Triggers

I have a skin condition called Rosacea. Some people think it's related to an autoimmune disorder and I'm inclined to agree. It makes my skin supremely sensitive, blotchy at any given moment, and hostile to ordinary facial products. I can cover it up and look normal, but I always know it's there. Sometimes, a food I ate, or extreme temperatures, or stress will cause my smooth, normal-looking skin to become an inferno of pin-prick pain.

Lately I've been thinking that my sin condition is a lot like having Rosacea. Certain situations trigger the badness in me. They don't cause it, of course. It's always there of it's own accord. But a series of unfortunate events, or a cultural clash, or even homeschooling can bring it out in all it's ugly glory. Today (well, ok, for several days), I've been in a full-on sin flare. I am short-tempered, sarcastic, cynical, irritable, and depressed. My kids have caught the brunt of it. What do you mean you forgot how to count by fours? That is super easy and you can do it in your sleep. Pay attention or I'll lose my mind! Come ON!

And then I have the painful misfortune of seeing hurt and resentment in their eyes. And I'll know I've failed again. I'll feel like I can't do this life. I can't be what people (especially my kids) need me to be. And so it goes.

The only thing that causes my Rosacea to calm down when something has triggered a flare is to wait it out. To try to stop doing whatever it was that brought my skin to this point and exhale. The tricky part of living this life, however, is that I can't just stop it even if I feel like it's exposing and exacerbating my sin. It's painful. It burns. It feels like it won't quit. But I testify to this truth in my life and I hope you know it too:

For you, O LORD, are good and forgiving, abounding in steadfast love to all who call upon you. Give ear, O LORD, to my prayer; listen to my plea for grace. In the day of my trouble I call upon you, for you answer me.
Psalm 86: 5-7 ESV

So how do I deal with a sin-flare? Avoid the triggers? Escape to easier fields? I ask for more grace, that's what I do. The worse it is, the more I ask. And He answers me. Thank God.