True Confessions

Yesterday I was worn out. J isn't here, I'm homeschooling doggedly, it's cold in the house and we've had no hot water. So when I dragged myself downstairs to talk with the young mother who lives in our building, I was in a, uh, candid mood. She asked me how I was doing. She's like a little bird, that lady. I almost expect her to cock her head to one side like a robin as she quizzes me amidst chirps.

And how did I answer her, this woman for whom English is a second language? I said, "Um, you know what? I'm really tired because I don't sleep well when J is gone. But the real issue is that I struggle with depression. Now I do have a deep inner peace that comes from the Lord. When I pray and spend time in the Bible I know that everything is going to be ok. But in the end, this is something I battle with--this abiding blueness. It sneaks up on me sometimes before I know what hit me. So...you know..."

And she turned her bird head to look into my eyes a bit better. I could tell she didn't really understand. She asked many questions like Did something sad happen to you? If you are with your husband is it ok? Perhaps will going out into the city help? And when I answered that this is a brain chemistry thing that started in high school and runs in our family, she remained slightly perplexed.

But her eyes were soft and kind and she muttered that she's sometimes depressed too...

I attempt transparency when I'm brave enough. Sometimes the truth comes out, shoving it's way out of my mouth before I have a chance to check it. There are times when I'm ok with that. But here in the gauntlet of cultural difference and ambiguity, I never know if I'm doing more harm than good with my true confessions. Would you pray that my honesty will bring about more important conversations in the future? That my blurting of personal struggles will take one more brick out of the wall between me and my friends for His sake?

Thanks.