My New Baby

After not working out for 18 months, I attempted it today. I only made it for 20 deadly minutes. I almost threw up, but in my defense, I've never worked out at 7,000 feet above sea level before. Hint: it's hard.

The Right Time

J comes home on Saturday evening. It could not come soon enough. We've had a tough week here without him, but we've survived and even ended on an up note. I'm thankful.

A quick request: On the way back to our city, J will spend eight hours in the car with our landlord's young, unmarried son. He's 23 and very warm and personable. It'll be the perfect opportunity for J to share his testimony with Gorev. Would you pray on your Friday night for J to have the right words to say and that the HS would work? That'll be when it's going on for us.

Love.

It's So True

"Life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans."
--John Lennon

True Confessions

Yesterday I was worn out. J isn't here, I'm homeschooling doggedly, it's cold in the house and we've had no hot water. So when I dragged myself downstairs to talk with the young mother who lives in our building, I was in a, uh, candid mood. She asked me how I was doing. She's like a little bird, that lady. I almost expect her to cock her head to one side like a robin as she quizzes me amidst chirps.

And how did I answer her, this woman for whom English is a second language? I said, "Um, you know what? I'm really tired because I don't sleep well when J is gone. But the real issue is that I struggle with depression. Now I do have a deep inner peace that comes from the Lord. When I pray and spend time in the Bible I know that everything is going to be ok. But in the end, this is something I battle with--this abiding blueness. It sneaks up on me sometimes before I know what hit me. So...you know..."

And she turned her bird head to look into my eyes a bit better. I could tell she didn't really understand. She asked many questions like Did something sad happen to you? If you are with your husband is it ok? Perhaps will going out into the city help? And when I answered that this is a brain chemistry thing that started in high school and runs in our family, she remained slightly perplexed.

But her eyes were soft and kind and she muttered that she's sometimes depressed too...

I attempt transparency when I'm brave enough. Sometimes the truth comes out, shoving it's way out of my mouth before I have a chance to check it. There are times when I'm ok with that. But here in the gauntlet of cultural difference and ambiguity, I never know if I'm doing more harm than good with my true confessions. Would you pray that my honesty will bring about more important conversations in the future? That my blurting of personal struggles will take one more brick out of the wall between me and my friends for His sake?

Thanks.

Our Town

Between myriad religious festivals and the fall carnival (ride at your own risk) it's a lively time of year, to say the least.

Boring Blog

I'm just missing J. Sigh. That's all. Boooooooring.

Ode to the Over-share

Ok, I'm back. It wasn't as tough as I thought for me to mind my own business. It was kind-of liberating, actually, to keep my kids' funnies to myself. But we know that all good things must come to an end, right? So here's to over-sharing.

Invisible Idols

I'm taking a Facebook fast for a week and I thought I better take a blog fast too. I've been surrounded by literal idol worship lately, but the thing I've been convicted of is that I have some personal, invisible idols of my own. I don't want to worship technology, so I'm letting it go for a few days. You know, to prove to myself that I can live without it.

I'll see you in a week...

What Do You Think?

Family members...

The Reason

Vegas in India

Today, as I was blow-drying my hair, I overheard my kids playing on my bed:

G: Hit me.

Oldest Son: Deal me in too.

Middle Son: I'm standing.

G: Blackjack!

Um, someone's husband must have taught her kids how to play cards 'cause that someone knows she didn't do it.

A Fish Out of Water

This afternoon the kids and I went downstairs to give a little face time to the women in our building and to get some fresh air. As soon as I sat down, one of the daughters-in-law who's close to my age asked me if I'd like to go with her and her kids to visit the 'swings' in town. To be clear, these aren't park swings. They're part of a rickety fairground that appears in the fall and remains until the weather gets too cold. I figured it would be a good time for the kids and a chance to build on my relationship with this particularly gentle and sweet woman.

While we were there two little beggar boys came up to me. As usual they saw my white face and thought I'd be good for a few rupees. My Indian friend warned me, "Don't give them anything. You really shouldn't." Now, if she hadn't been standing there I might have caved and slipped them some cash. The truth is, that's looked down-upon here and isn't considered helpful for anyone. (Actually, it's against the law to give to beggars since begging is illegal). But the real kicker was that I'd just seen both boys eating ice cream, and one of them had cotton candy in his hand! He didn't think I could speak Hindi and he kept telling me he needed food.

The ride operator who was standing by started to laugh when I answered the kid in Hindi. "Now listen, sweetie...I just saw you eating ice-cream and what's that in your hand right now, huh? I don't have food for you and you shouldn't ask me. You already ate. Now go." I was gentle but firm. The ride operator asked my friend, "She speaks Hindi?" The little boy seemed to sense that I wouldn't kick or shove him away the way someone who was born here would, so he stood very close to me--almost snuggling up and kept asking with a twinkle in his eye...He touched my arm and stuck out his bottom lip in a mock pout. I laid my hand on his shoulder and he felt so small, like one of my own kids.

I kept refusing and he followed us, asking our kids for money as well, as by this time it had turned into a game for him. Finally he left, still smiling and clearly not hungry. But the truth is I wanted to hug him and ask him his name, and make life better for him. People were staring at me and I hate that. I feel like a fish out of water here every single day of my life. Sometimes it's more pronounced than at other times but it's always there. This knowledge that I don't belong never goes away...

Highlights

• After teaching a class yesterday, J played four games of volleyball with his Indian students (all 20-somethings). He dominated, as you might imagine. Smile.
• A stray, but friendly little dog managed to get inside our landlord's apartment on the bottom floor. The whole family was in an uproar and seemed scared of it. They squealed and yelled in Hindi and tried to kick it...So I promptly went in, crouched down and spoke to the dog, picked him up, and escorted him out of the house. They laughed incredulously and stared at me as if I'd just walked on water. Dolly said, affectionately, "You are a friend to everybody." (A lovely, if untrue, thought. I suppose she thinks this carries over to dogs as well...)
  
• The kids got invited to our Muslim neighbor's house next door. This is a big deal and it's the first time it's happened. They've all played outside many times, but to be invited in is a bird of a different feather.
• Today was the third straight day of homeschooling with a full load of subjects where I didn't feel like completely giving up. And that, friends, is something.
  

Greater Love

J is gone again for a couple of days. Whenever he goes I count on D more than usual. I asked her tonight if she'd walk down to the corner store and get me some Cokes. I added that I didn't really need them. I just wanted them and if she didn't mind one way or the other, could she get them?

She smiled shyly and said, "I would get anything for you." I didn't know what to say. She loves us like I'm not sure we've been loved before. Of course the feeling is mutual, but we have lots of friends and extended family and she doesn't. We are her family now.

Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. Jn 15:13

Mountain People

I'm reading Silas House's novels these days. His depictions of the mountain people of Kentucky are subtle, heartfelt and spot-on. Reading his prose (which is more like love poetry to his people) is like wiggling a loose tooth. It aches, but it's the good kind of sore-pain that I find myself going back to again and again.

I love my Kentucky heritage and Silas House's writing feels like he's whispering a secret only he and I know. What surprised me the most about his take on mountain people is how much in common they share with the mountain people of India. We all suspect that, deep down, people are pretty much the same everywhere. But it's always slightly shocking to find familiar traces closer to the surface.

If only I were a doctoral student I might make it my thesis. Hmmm...

The Wizard of Oz

After our family worship time today, we ordered chicken from a local restaurant (a special treat) and then piled on our bed to watch the classic film The Wizard of Oz. We invited D to join us and she happily agreed. Now D was born in Nepal and raised in India, and the girl cut her teeth on Bollywood films. In fact, she still loves them with a passion and can recite many a line from this Hindi film and that one. I was mildly interested to see what her reaction to Dorothy and Toto would be since she'd never seen the famous American movie.

Well, in short, she loved it. And I guess it's no wonder, really. Bollywood is all about color, improbable plot twists, infinite costume changes, and big song-and-dance numbers. So the man in a lion suit, the glittering red shoes, and flying monkeys were...strangely familiar, in a corn-fed, Midwestern way. She seemed to get it, which made me unexpectedly happy.

Maybe that's because it's nice when someone understands a piece of your history, a little glimpse into the culture that shaped you. After all, as Dorothy says, There's no place like home.

Sweet Peach

Happy Birthday, my sweet middle sister. You have been my friend for longer than I can remember. My constant companion in adulthood and that sweet, scary adventure we call motherhood. We've watched each other change and grow. But I'll never outgrow you, Satch. I just wanted you to know.

I Was Right

Remember when I said birthday decorations here look like toilet paper? And you thought I was being mean and judgemental? Well, this is pink toilet paper. So see, I was right. So there.

M.O.P.S. for Monkeys

Enjoying one another's company.

Mother love.

Nursing.

As we started our family devotional time today, we heard a commotion out on our front porch. Turns out some moms with babies had decided to stop by.

Wapas Aiya

J is back home, tired and happy. The kids are downstairs playing with the neighborhood kids. I just ate razma (a favorite of mine) and I hear D laughing from the kitchen. Good times.

Time

J called last night and things where he is right now are, quite simply, better than we could have imagined. Hungry people are being fed, those who've been fed are feeding others, and, well, things are happening. For the kids and me, the weather is sunny and cool and we've had no daddy-is-gone catastrophes. There are many things for which to be thankful...

In honor of beautiful days everywhere, we decided to do math out on our front porch this afternoon. The wind ruffled our workbook pages and the clouds made shadows on their bright white surfaces. We added and subtracted to the hum of woman-chatter, far-off car horns, and carpet sellers' songs as they hawked their wares on the front path beneath us. We let our eyes wander off multiplication tables to watch a grandmother tend a baby, and a monkey leap off a high tree and on to a roof.

We took the time to ponder and it was good.

Bread

J travels for the next couple of days. He leaves in about an hour. The kids and I will be hunkering down in our respective studies and enjoying the gorgeous weather. Please lift J up as he seeks to feed hungry spirits with bread that can't be bought.

When You Have No Yard...

...you think small. Here the kids play with tiny Lego figures on our front porch/balcony.